This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
