we have pet lesbian snakes
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
