I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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