I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
