hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
