Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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