Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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