if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
