did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
