I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
