Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
