I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
