If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
