im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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