i already hear my dad disowning me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
