you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
