I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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