your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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