morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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