I wish my penis had an off switch
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
