Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
