Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
