So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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