I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
