You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Text me some of your sweat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize