Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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