We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
