Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
