Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drake has all the answers
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
