so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
