I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
