I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
