Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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