This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
