My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize