Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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