So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
