You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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