I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
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