I skipped work to stalk him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
