I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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