I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
