dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
