gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
