I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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