i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
