Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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