party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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