it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
