My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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