i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
