i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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