I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
