i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
