I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize