Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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