My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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