Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
