I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
