everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize