They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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