dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
