1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
