they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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