My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
