And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
