Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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