Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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