From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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