you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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