Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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