WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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