What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize