ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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