oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
