Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
