so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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