bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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