it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
