you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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