If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
