So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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