she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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