Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
