I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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