Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
