I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
