you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize