you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the day after is always just damage control
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
