don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
