So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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