Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
