you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
