I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't special order awesome
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love having hate sex.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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