I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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