I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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