I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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