I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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