so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
