saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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