Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
