i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
