Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
