Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize